A V-day present for Tony (& our posterity :)

The Greatest Love Story of All time…ours!

Happily ever after came backwards for me. I got married to my high school crush at 19, had adorable twin boys at 20, but was then separated at 21 & divorced by age 22. Cried myself a river all right. But then, thanks to a loving Heavenly Father & my family I got back on my figurative horse (since I was now ‘prince-less’ J) as I put all my remaining love into my boys, finished my bachelor’s degree and became a 5^th grade teacher in my hometown.

I love where I grew up, but being the incredibly conservative Christian place that it is, and going  to a junior college where students commonly graduate by age 22, I felt increasingly out of place as not just divorced with kids, but ‘old’ as well. I learned to smile as a young man would ask for my phone number, start writing it down, only to stop, mid-number when he found out ‘the news’ looking a little stunned as he mumbled something before walking away. Yeah, I’m sure we’ll be in touch…

After the occasional beau, lots of late-night, lonely bowls of ice-cream, soul-searching, studying scriptures & the words of prophets I came to the solid conclusion that I would rather be happy & single forever than settle for someone my Heavenly Father didn’t lead me to.

Stories like this have a way of becoming predictable for a reader, but as the participant I just had no idea that prince charming was so close to making his appearance…again…into my life, this time to stay forever.

I loved teaching my rambunctious, intelligent, lovable classes, but each year I felt the pull, the guilt, of being ‘half-teacher,’ and ‘half-mom,’ never really able to give either one my 100%. Carson was one of those lovable lads, and as his mom came in to get some further school-related information, the conversation turned to the hometown we happen to share. Inevitably, we played the ‘do you know…’ game & as she mentioned her younger brother it was like this image and wisp of a memory was yanked from the recesses of who-knows-where in the back of my brain. “Oh, yeah, he was sooo….” “Crazy?” She immediately offered. We laughed, both knowing that word was dead-on. *Note: crazy as in, “how can one person have that much energy & self-confidence to do what he does?!” Meet him & you’d totally get it.

A couple of days later I got an e-mail from that very brother as a result of a Christian-type Facebook we were both a part of (he hadn’t talked to his sister about me, true story!). To date, the strangest e-mail I have ever received (direct quote: ”You live on the hill? My sis lives there, or by the park, with a goat, on a boat…”) but with each subsequent line I laughed harder because somehow, I got every quirky bit. Too bad he was in Korea teaching English for another 11 months, this guy seemed worth getting to know.

I’m not an e-mail/webcam or even phone kind of gal. I’m more the traditional, face-to-face, meet the parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, etc. so-we-can-analyze-your-every-move-&-do-a-background-check kind. Chalk it up to having been divorced before, but every e-mail, phone call, then webcam experience with this guy I kept yelling to myself, “This is ludicrous. You can’t date a guy across the world through a webcam for logic’s-sake.” Month after month I told myself this, all the while starting to feel like I knew him better than any guy (or, ahem, any husband) I had ever known! But how could I know for sure, right? What if it was all lies?! I know. I told myself that one a lot too. I have to say, though, it helped knowing I had met him before & his sister was definitely an anchor because we clicked instantly. Now she even claims he owes her, like, for life since she had to be the one to woo my family & I in the flesh. I tell you, though; he was pretty excellent in that department too. Every time I talked about my day, told him about my kids, voiced a doubt, expressed my concerns, shared my hopes, he listened. What other choice did he have, right? Really, though, I felt so understood, validated, cared about…loved?! He was feeling more like family all the time. And the random grocery bags full of my favorite yogurt that magically appeared on my doorstep at home or flowers on my desk at work certainly helped in this rather unorthodox form of dating. The unexpected bonus of dating this way (though slightly strange, granted) was in knowing that the physical aspect was never there to interfere. In our religion we believe in total purity before marriage, but in this case, we never had to worry about even being tempted! J It helped me feel more trust in him as we progressed to know that even without all that, he was choosing to [patiently] continue getting to know me for who I really am (& not just how great I can kiss…) & even stopped dating others as he felt increasingly committed. True love.

Fast-forward 8 months, a couple of tentative, “I Love You’s” on both sides, a LOT of praying & some super duper big gulps I decide it’s time to fly out to Korea to see if what I think we have, we really have. So much fear. So much hope. The hope won out when I bought those tickets, but I knew that if it wasn’t right it was going to be a very long nine days.

Fortunately, it was the trip of a lifetime. Eating Dokboki on a rooftop at night, walking through cherry-blossomed trees, meeting fabulous people, late-night dances in his apartment, being amongst another culture/language, watching an incredible live “cooking channel meets Bruce Lee” show, & even getting our feet fungus eaten off by little fishies was romantic with this guy around. There were bits of reality thrown in for good measure, but by the end of the trip I felt an ever-increasing sure knowledge, coming from above, telling me that whatever faults he had, lack of honesty & truth were not among those. I could trust him. I could return his love without fear.

On my last day in Korea he took me into a park. Every so often he would start digging in the leaves, looking for some little gift he had ‘planted’ earlier. We laughed, talked, and enjoyed each other, both trying not to think of the good-bye scene that was quickly approaching. Miraculously (as he now tells it), we came to a clearing with no one around. We sat down & as he finished telling me all sorts of cheek-blushing compliments of the highest caliber, he pulled out a ring & popped the question. I was so stunned. I stuttered in the affirmative after he asked me, “So…is that a yes?” Poor guy. Poor me for that matter…I wish I could say our ‘happily ever after’ started from that moment, but I was in so much shock, the flight home was utter turmoil for me.

I asked myself every question possible—twice. And then I asked him those same questions--thrice. He had the patience of Job, bless him. Bit by bit, Heavenly Father helped me feel the answers come in response to my frantic pleas. Peace pervaded and then, oh the joy, the love that filled my heart.

We’ve now been married 3 and a half blissful years and have 4 children (another girl & boy added to the mix) & though we certainly are no strangers to ‘real life,’ we thank Heavenly Father every day for leading us to each other, making it possible for us to go through each experience together, hand in hand, as happily ever after as there ever was.

**Submitted to the “Times” Fort Wayne newspaper for their “Greatest Love Story of All Time” contest Feb. 2012